Lifting The Veil

Bambi: How Amy Creates Pawns

December 30, 2012
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Bambi Chapman works closely with Stillbirthday, the organization geared towards grieving parents of loss.

Bambi is a simple girl, a little bit country if you listen to her. She isn’t the smartest girl in the world. She started her family young and it grew pretty big, pretty quick. She started on the natural birth path with midwives and the like, but not because she was brainwashed and had all the faith and information and support to back her up. She may have done it for a combination of reasons, involving finances, availability, and more. One thing I can safely say was not the case with impressionable young Bambi is that she was indoctrinated into any cultish belief system. From what I can understand, she was merely going with the flow. It’s something lots of parents do, especially first timers. The first few births went well enough.

Then she gave birth to a girl accidentally unassisted. Midwife was late. Baby was considered preterm. Baby seemed a bit off, but midwife and paramedics gave the okay. Kangaroo care may have been recommended. Bambi lay her baby down and went to shower. When she came back, baby was gone.

A heartbreaking tragedy, but take the young and hurting and impressionable mind of this mother and add a coroner who dictates “homebirth” as a cause of death, and you have the potential to create a monster. She would go on to resist apologies and communication with her former friend and midwife, to blasting all over the internet about the “baby killers”, including any other midwife whose name would cross her path.

Bambi (Stillbirthday, Dr. Amy troll) takes everything personally, including “jerkwads” who try to calm her down and make her realize she is attacking people who’ve done nothing wrong.

Her indiscriminate lashing out at others who are either natural/homebirth minded, midwives, or even other loss moms has earned her a nasty reputation as one of the top trolls to avoid. But I am getting ahead. Let’s keep this in chronological order.

Enter “Dr.” Amy, a retired doctor who likes to stir up rhetoric on the internet defaming homebirth. She sees this young, grieving, hurting, impressionable mother, and only 2 months after her loss, asks to use her story. The die had been cast. Not only did Amy want to use Bambi’s story (and thus a sense of importance and validation is provided), but offers Bambi a new way of seeing… there were people to blame, and Bambi just had to know the right ones (according to the good doctor). Amy¬†came to Bambi, just as she comes to many mothers trying to use their stories for her own gain. Some accept as Bambi has and become part of the “Dr. Amy trolls”, via Hurt by Homebirth and Fed Up with Natural Childbirth. Some refuse, and Amy goes on to blog about them anyway. Some have since asked for their stories to be removed, like Elizabeth Brown had, after seeing Amy’s relentless blame-the-mother mentality in her loss attacks. Amy has not honored any such requests. In Bambi’s case, it would not be long before she was quite fond of Dr. Amy and all the “medical truths” she represented. Bambi isn’t much of a reader, learner, or comprehend-er otherwise, so taking Amy’s word for it was all she had to do. For her blind faith and tireless attacking of others, she quickly became a sort of leader amongst the Raptors (even before they were named as such).

I had the displeasure of first meeting her when I was on a forum discussing how to heal from birth trauma. I discussed my own experiences and she sent me a private message telling me how offensive me discussing my ideas on how I was going to heal (and how others might, too) was. Because she had a personal distaste for my healing, she thought I should go away. In the process, she and her other troll friends were disrupting and disturbing my own healing. I was a very pregnant woman coming to terms with things and they were in fact causing me a lot of hurt and pain right before I was about to give birth. The timing was critical. And, these activities have been ongoing all over the internet, so I am not the only one who has been touched by these individuals and their activities on a personal level. Yet, Bambi is now in a position to be helping others heal.

To this day Bambi is still connected with Amy and Amy’s groups and sites, and still seems to view her loss through these same distorted lenses, seemingly unaware that she is not respected by Amy… she is just another pawn, albeit maybe one of the strongest ones (due to her persistent rage), in Dr. Amy’s game.

Just like Lisa Miller, Bambi has been put on a tight leash by Stillbirthday founder Heidi, to be a good girl. She was ordered to turn her blog into a normal parenting blog instead of a birth bashing one. She complied. Her thinly veiled disdain has not been concealed, however. In one fight with In Search of the Perfect Birth online, she admitted her desire to return to those old ways.

Naturally, BWF “liked” Bambi’s comment.

Even when she is not piping up with comments, she offers supportive “likes” to her friends who comment on natural birth pages, like the one seen here on The Skeptical Mother.


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    The opinions expressed here through observation and experience are protected by free speech.